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sweetly broken

March 26th, 2010 | 71 Comments »

I never expected to have the last six months. And I thank God for them, because it’s been a long preparation for this day.

Harmon has slipped away, very quickly and over just the past few days. It doesn’t matter what’s wrong because we don’t need to know. We just know he’s very ill, he’s very old and he’s leaving us. We need to make his final journey a peaceful one. For the unconditional love he’s given to me over the last 17 years, I owe him as little suffering as I am able to give. It doesn’t make the ache in our hearts any easier but he deserves nothing less from us. For every snuggle, for every jet engine purr and painfully hard head-butt he’s sent me over his lifetime, and for the six months that I’ve had to try and somehow accustom myself to living without him, I can make one of the hardest choices of my adult life.

Inevitable, and bittersweet. There are no more Spring days for him lolling on the patio or chasing grasshoppers, no more expectant faces at the snack cupboard, no more heavy bodies cuddling up to me while I work, or watch TV or sleep at night.

I don’t really know what Bustopher will do. Or for that matter, what we will do.

So please excuse my absence from here for a while.

71 Responses to “sweetly broken”

  1. Terri says:

    I can’t tell you how sorry I am for your loss Kate. I read this with pain in my heart. Feb 8 of this year, I had to make that decision to put my baby down too. He was a little tuxedo cat and I had him for 17 yrs. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s very hard, but they say time is the best remedy for this awful pain in our heart. Hold on to the good memories you have of your little baby and no that we will see them again. My heart goes out to you.

  2. raekin says:

    My latest post provided me with a link to this. My cat died 2 years and 2 weeks ago aged 18. It is so heartbreaking, and it hurts to this day. Pets are so much more than that, they’re part of the family, with you through thick and thin. It is so hard when the time comes to say goodbye, but the memories and the happiness they bring to our lives last forever. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for writing such a beautiful post and sharing it with the world, it’s one of the few posts I’ve read which has brought me to tears after the first line!

    RIP Harmon.

  3. Rosa says:

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. That is very sad, but at least he was old and had a good life… Harmon was a beautiful kitty!

    In thoughts with you,

    Rosa

  4. [...] Momma and we was very very sad to hear that a sweet cat blogging friend from nearly the very beginning of our cat blogging times has lost his battle with cancer and ran of tho the bridge leaving his brother Bustopher and his heartbroken Mon Kate behind: Goodbye Harmon! [...]

  5. flandrumhill says:

    What a moving post Kate. Beautiful photos of a beautiful cat.

  6. Tiki & Kirby says:

    We knew this day would come, but we were hoping it would be later. We are so very sorry about Harmon. Sending you purrs of comfort.

  7. julie says:

    I am so incredibly sorry for your situation! My heart goes out to you and the decisions and sadness you face. I had to do the same this past December with my beloved kitty. I didn’t think it possible to have the strength to do it, and I thought my heart would not survive. I am choking up now just remembering that decision and that sadness. I feel for you and especially for your kittly. May he be strong and suffer no more. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

  8. G Mars says:

    Kate – Beautiful, heartfelt and evocative writing on the loss of a friend.
    Thanks for sharing, grieving and opening up on a very tough loss.
    Your journey together was a grand one!
    Thanks for the tears, they’ve been shared by many…
    G

  9. lo says:

    Your Harmon reminds me so much of my own dear Elmo, a big fluffy orange guy who’s going on 17 years this spring. My heart goes out to you — as I know your loss is huge. And so I send hugs, and hope. And lots of purrs.

  10. Becky Olson says:

    What a sweet boy. I’m so sorry, Kate.

  11. I am very sorry to hear about Harmon. I know how special he was to you. Having the time to process the idea of him not being there is a blessing, but doesn’t make the reality of that loss any easier. We mourned for Mojo for 7 months before making the final decision for him. Like you we showed him all the kindness and love we possibly could during those final months. I find myself loving my other boys more fully because of that experience. I think that is Harmon’s legacy as well…to teach us how to love unconditionally and without worry about tomorrow. We know that we have loved as much as we possibly can today, and therefore have no regrets. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Harmon may not be with you in the physical world, but he will live on in your heart forever. He will never be forgotten. Thank you for sharing him with us.

  12. Stacey says:

    Thank you for trusting us with this part of your journey. Love and peace and comfort to you!

  13. oneordinaryday says:

    We’ve lost two sweet cats in the past year. They are such a part of your family and your heart. So sorry.

  14. jimbo says:

    He’ll be good friends with my friends Rudolph and Toshio up there, that’s for sure..My deepest condolence for the family..Be strong..

    jimbo n family

  15. Karen Jo says:

    I am so very sorry that Harmon had to go to the Rainbow Bridge. He will live forever in your heart and eventually the happy memories will prove stronger than your grief.

  16. [...] Harmon ran off to the Bridge leaving a lot of heartbroken kitties and their humans. [...]

  17. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  18. We did not get to know Harmon, but learned of his passing on the Cat Blogosphere. Our hearts are heavy, and ache for you in this sad time…Our mewmie likes this poem, and may it comfort you, too…

    And God asked the feline spirit
    Are you ready to come home?
    Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
    And, as a cat, you know I am most able
    To decide anything for myself.

    Are you coming then? asked God.
    Soon, replied the whiskered angel
    But I must come slowly
    For my human friends are troubled
    For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

    But don’t they understand? asked God
    That you’ll never leave them?
    That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
    That nothing is created or destroyed?
    It just is….forever and ever and ever.

    Eventually they will understand,
    Replied the glorious cat
    For I will whisper into their hearts
    That I am always with them
    I just am….forever and ever and ever.

  19. Pierro says:

    You are not alone.
    You are loved by us and we have you in our constant prayers.

    “Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears,
    but laugh and talk of me
    as if I were beside you…..
    I loved you so –
    ’twas Heaven here with you.”
    @~>~~>~~
    Harmon will watch over you.

  20. We are sorry to hear on the CB of Harmon’s passing. We send you comforting purrs and (((hugs))).

  21. The body is gone but not his spirit. Dis we tell our the mom fer the last few years about our TT Girl.

    Many purrs and headbutts

    Molly, Shadow, Trooder

    licks and tail wags

    I is Jake!

    (((hugs)))

    Mom Laure