“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads
which sew people together through the years.”
“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”
I married at 38, and by that time in my life, I never expected to either be married, stay married or be happily married.
But God had other plans for me, as well it should be.
“Lovers do not finally meet somewhere. They are in each other all along.”
I won’t say that the past 10 years have been easy; in fact, it’s probably been the hardest 10 years of my life. Marriage forges you, like new steel, and that’s pretty painful at times. It hones and sharpens you, stripping away everything that you once were and shaping you into part of the ‘We’. It rids you of ego and self, forcing you into compliance for the sake of your relationship; fight against that and no one wins. Nothing has made me fight harder for what I need than these last 10 years, and nothing has turned me into a fighter more, someone willing to do what ever is necessary to uphold this sanctity I’ve been given. These years have stripped away parts of an old me in huge chunks, re-knitting a fabric of a million shared threads, with him, that I would step in front of a train to defend.
And if I thought I loved him when we married, it pales in comparison to how much I love him now. It goes deeper, wider and stronger than I could have ever imagined. This man has been, hands down, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And next to my mother, he’s been the only one that’s loved me unconditionally, supporting me regardless of my choices or direction, who has given me the freedom to be me, and be the best me that I am capable of. He encourages me to pursue my dreams, to take time alone, to leave the house and see my friends, to take care of who I am and what I need because he knows that when I do, I have far more to offer him. And we both benefit from that.
“I love you, for putting your hand into my heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you cannot help dimly seeing there, and for drawing out into the light
all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite so far enough to find.”
I’m certain of one thing today, and that is that on a cool Summer day, August 17th, 2002, I made the right decision in spite of the unknown, that in sticking to the vow I took, in facing the hard parts head on, and in rejoicing in even the most minor of victories together that we’ve cemented our union with an impenetrable bond. After 10 years, we still laugh at each others jokes, we love spending time together and we still kiss like newlyweds.
And I also know that what I hoped for on that day, that this love would be redemptive, consoling, life-giving and glorious, and in those gifts I’ve learned that there are a few things that we can dream about and expect; and without a doubt, that they’ll come true.